EMDR for Grief: A Gentle Approach to Healing Loss

EMDR for Grief: A Gentle Approach to Healing Loss

Grief is a natural process that happens when someone experiences a loss. This loss could be the death of a loved one, a close friend moving away, or even losing a pet. Grief can cause a range of emotions like sadness, anger, confusion, or even guilt. Sometimes, grief feels so strong and lasts so long that it becomes complicated grief or a persistent form of sadness.

For some people, grief can even lead to mental health challenges, including post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), suicidal ideation, or sleep disturbances. In these cases, regular support may not be enough. That’s where Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) can help.

What Is EMDR?

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It is a special type of therapy treatment that helps people heal from traumatic events and painful memories. It was developed by Francine Shapiro and is supported by clinical trials, including studies from places like JAMA Psychiatry and Suicide Life-Threatening Behav.

EMDR uses a technique called bilateral stimulation, which often means moving your eyes back and forth while thinking about a difficult memory. This helps your brain process the memory in a healthier way.

How Does EMDR Help With Grief?

Grief can feel like a wound that doesn’t heal. Sometimes, a person remembers distressing memories or has negative thoughts like “I’m a bad person” or “I’ll never be happy again.” EMDR helps people work through these grief-related distress feelings by helping the brain heal.

Here’s how EMDR works in grief therapy:

1. Initial Phase

The EMDR therapist helps the person feel safe. They talk about their loss and the actual events that caused the grief.

2. Desensitization Phase

The therapist helps the person think about distressing experiences while doing bilateral stimulation (eye movements or tapping). This helps lower the level of distress.

3. Installation Phase

The person starts to focus on positive memories and positive thoughts like “I can heal,” “I am strong,” or “I had a deep connection with the lost person.” This is called positive cognition.

4. Reprocessing Memories

Over time, the brain can make sense of painful memories, helping the person feel better and build a more positive sense of their experience.

Why EMDR Is a Gentle and Fitting Treatment Option

Unlike other therapies, EMDR doesn’t require long talks about every sad detail. It focuses on target memories that are causing the most pain. This makes it a gentle approach for people who find it hard to talk about their feelings.

Many people find EMDR to be helpful for:

• Complicated grief
• Prolonged grief disorder
• Complex grief
• Experiences of loss with intense emotions
• Feelings of guilt, anger, or deep sadness
• Distressful or negative cognition related to a deceased person

Key Ideas and Principles of EMDR Therapy

✅ Basic Principles

• People are naturally able to heal, but sometimes need help.
• Memories can be “stuck” in the brain, causing emotional distress.
• Bilateral stimulation helps the brain move memories to a healthier place.

✅ Therapeutic Relationship

A trusting bond between the person and their EMDR therapist is important. This connection helps the healing feel safe and respectful.

✅ Formulation Principles

EMDR therapists use clinical guidelines and grief frameworks to understand how a person is feeling. They may use ideas from the dual process model, the integrative model, or the attachment style of the person.

EMDR and Complicated Grief

Complicated mourning happens when grief doesn’t get better over time. A person may feel stuck, have excessive irritability, feel hopeless, or have poor health behaviors like not sleeping or eating.

With EMDR, the therapist can focus on negative memories that are holding the person back. By targeting these, the therapy helps the brain find an adaptive resolution, making space for heartfelt memories and a more balanced mourning process.

What to Expect in EMDR Grief Therapy

Each person is different, but most EMDR therapy includes:

• A talk about your life after loss
• Identifying the most distressing memory
• Talking about grief reactions and emotions in a safe space
• Bilateral stimulation using eye movements, sounds, or taps
• Developing a positive cognition to help move forward

Some therapists also use tools from Memory Reconsolidation, behavioral therapy, or cognitive therapy to support EMDR.

EMDR in Mental Health Services

EMDR is now used in many mental health practices, including Ensora Health and other private or behavioral health clinics. It can help with:

• Mental health disorders like PTSD
• Mental health challenges related to loss
• Social impairment after a loss
• Feelings of being unsafe or stuck in the past

Whether grief is caused by a traumatic event or is a form of grief that won’t go away, EMDR offers hope and healing.

Real Change Is Possible

After EMDR, many people say they still feel sad—but it’s a different kind of sadness. They no longer feel stuck. They feel connected to positive experiences and begin to live with a positive sense of their meaningful memories.

Healing from grief doesn’t mean forgetting. It means learning how to hold the love while letting go of the pain.

Final Thoughts

Grief can be overwhelming. It can cause a range of feelings and affect every part of life. But with the help of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, people can find peace again.

EMDR is a fitting treatment option for those struggling with the impact of grief. It helps turn painful memories into heartfelt memories, guiding the brain through its healing process.

If you or someone you love is going through a hard time after a loss, remember—help is out there. Healing is possible. And EMDR may be the gentle guide you need.